A LIFE WELL-LIVED...

THE FAMILY DYNAMICS Ideal vs Real

Family dynamics are the subtle forces that shape how members of a family relate to one another. They are expressed through everyday interactions - how people speak, listen, support, disagree, and forgive. Within a family, roles often emerge naturally: someone becomes the peacemaker, another the decision-maker, another the quiet observer. These roles influence how harmony is maintained and how conflicts are resolved. Healthy family dynamics are built on respect, communication, and empathy. When family members feel heard and valued, trust grows stronger. Differences in personality, age, and perspective can sometimes lead to tension, yet these differences also enrich family life by bringing diverse ideas and experiences together. Over time, family dynamics evolve. Children grow into adults, responsibilities shift, and new members join through marriage or birth. Despite these changes, the core of family life often remains the same: a shared commitment to care for one another. In this way, family dynamics become the living pattern of love, understanding, and resilience that binds a family together. Above, I'm talking about an ideal family dynamics. How much can I honestly say exist in my family? My father was the breadwinner, my mother, a full-time home-maker. He was no stranger to hardship being orphaned at three, was our center of gravity, and she, though somewhat passive, was always supportive. With regular weekly wage, plus a modest-size coco and riceland, we were doing fine by any measure. When I was born, I already had a 10-year old brother and a 5-year old sister. It was only four years later when another brother (the youngest) followed. When I was in first grade, my older brother was already in college, at CIT, in Cebu City. There were very, very few times that he was home when I was growing up. I remember, with fondness, receiving my first birthday card from him, the only, until high school, when I was seven. In one of those few times he was home, he taught me how to play the harmonica (silindro/silindron), on Elvis Presley's "Wooden Heart". Every July 9th, his birthday, we all go to Ozamiz City (Birhen Sa Cotta shrine), without him, to light candles and say prayers for his special day. In the meantime, in Cebu, his focus was no longer college. Instead, he indulged himself on expensive clothes, alcohol, smoke... good times! Was he thinking of the would-be consequences? Apparently, not! August 23rd, my only sister's birthday. The day most in the neighbourhood look forward to. It's a big celebration! Plenty of food and drinks. My father would typically hire up to four calesas - to Lobogon Beach. Year, after year, after year! She was pampered, even before she became sickly. While Ovaltine was her favourite, Senorita or Liberty condensed milk and Mont Blanc evap milk were in stock too. Though vigilant, she didn't have the whole time keeping eye on her stuff. My younger brother and I would take turn sipping the condensed milk. We were in heaven! Then came the "Wednesday Child". Never heard of the term until high school, from a song, popularized by Mat Monro. Looking back, it wasn't just a song. September 6th is my birthday. I don't recall this day celebrated in my childhood. We don't go to Ozamiz City, to the "Birhen sa Kota", let alone prepare food and drinks, for the family and neighrbours, for a big celebration at the beach. Thanks to my maternal grandmother. She always comes by and brings mo to church for a blessing!. Christmas Time! Every boy and girl looks forward to it every single year. It's the time to knock at the doors of the "maninoys/maninays", for the awaited-gifts (pinaskohan). Unlike my other siblings, I was baptized with only one "maninoy", Titing Abellanosa (a friend of my father's, at work), and the only time I saw him was two decades later. At that time, for what? For decades, I was denied the pleasure of knocking at my maninoy's door for the prized pinaskohan! As I stated earlier, my earliest memory is when my younger brother was born. The four years gap we had, made us the closest of us four siblings. He was my buddy. When he is afraid of something or somebody, he comes to me for protection. When it comes to playmates, the four-year gap we had separated us apart, though at home, we re-play the games we each play with our mates - especially, marbles (jolen). But it was with him that I shared the privileges that were otherwise denied to me. He was my father's junior, and was baptized with a dozen or so maninoys/maninays. When Christmas Season comes, I accompany him around knocking at his maninoy's doors for pinaskohan. I was always there to keep the bounty for him. One of them gifted him with a beautiful/colorful kite (borador, the pro size), that we enjoy flying at our public plaza every chance we get. Another one gave him materials and parts for a scooter. A good neighbour built him that beautiful scooter, that we race around our Rizal Park with other kids. Childhood memories, simply beautiful! Another thing I will never forget is when we go to our grandmother's place, a block down the road. He was always there "ducky-back riding" on me. And when we get there, he would always ask me to turn back for another round trip. All those years, I was always there for him, like I was his big brother, because I was, and what a privilege that was. Years went by, we were both adults, something fundamental changed in my relationship with my "Little Brother".